I've thought a lot about how I would acknowledge this sad anniversary. I wasn't sure if I wanted to revisit this painful part of my childhood by writing about it but for some reason I feel compelled to. This event affected our entire town of Columbus, Texas, and I know I am one of hundreds that were devastated by it. This is just my story.
Tiffanie and I were best friends from the time we were little. Our parents were friends and we grew up together. I have good memories of going to their cabin, fishing, playing in the barn, girl scouts, the playground at school, going to choir and GA's together and dove hunting with our dads. Honestly I was a crazy, emotional little girl (haha) and she put up with me.
This is us at church. I think we're between three and four years old here.
Crazy to think six years later we would be having her funeral here.
Us at our friend Donna's birthday party. I think we're around four to five years old. I think it's funny we're all wearing dresses for a birthday party!
Here we are on a float with our Brownie troop for a parade. Pretty sure this is 1st or 2nd grade.
It's so hard to put into words how she was. I think all of us who grew up with her can just simply say she was the kindest, sweetest and most endearing friend.
We would laugh because she was short and I was tall. She had brown hair and I had blonde hair. Both of our birthdays were September. Mine the 2nd and hers the 24th. And people always spelled both of our names wrong.
On the last day of school of 4th grade she gave me a decorative plate that had a poem titled FRIENDSHIP
on it:
Within the garden of my heart
Where flowers of friendship grow
There are blossoms of remembrance
Forget me nots so blue
And purple velvet pansies to tell my thoughts of you
And roses that will always bloom whatever be the weather
whose fragrance is the memory of days spent together.
That would be the last time I would ever see her.
On August 2, 1984 Tiffanie 10, her sister Donley 3, her brother Cliff 7, two of her cousins, her mother Robbie 35, and her grandmother Wanda 55, were traveling down Highway 36 through Brazoria planning on going to Galveston. At that time 36 was a two lane highway. There were stop signs at the entrance ramps. A man driving a dump truck ran the stop sign. Her mother swerved and when she did an 18 wheeler hit them head on. They all died instantly except for one of her cousins who died on the way to the hospital.
On the morning of August 3rd the phone rang and it was one of our friends. She said have you heard what happened? Tiffanie died in a car accident. I just remember saying you're lying. You're lying. About this time my mom walked into the room and said put the phone down. I think my mom took the phone and hung up. They had found out the night before but were waiting to tell me. My dad had to go somewhere that morning and they wanted to tell me together. She said I'm sorry it's true. I remember my little sister standing there in shock, staring at me. My mom was hugging me, I was crying uncontrollably. That was the moment my childhood ended.
I remember the next day my Dad took me into town to buy me a fish. I can laugh about that now. Like a fish was going to help make it better. At the store (Winn's) there on the check out stand was the funeral notice. I remember thinking nothing will ever make this better.
At the funeral walking into the church was so surreal. This is where we went to vacation bible school, GA's (girls in action) Sunday school and then I was at her funeral. It just didn't seem possible and yet there were four caskets at the front. Tiffanie's had her girl scouts sash on a wreath. I spotted one of our teacher's across the aisle with her finger on her nose. She had told us in class whenever she's about to cry she puts her finger on her nose and that stops it. My sister had fallen asleep on my mom's lap with her head back and mouth wide open and I laughed. (Which, by the way, set a precedent for laughing at inappropriate moments for the rest of my life.) I had no control over my emotions. I was all over the place. I don't remember anything about the service except that I was looking for her dad and didn't see him. I know I walked out holding my dad's hand and crying after it was over.
At the burial I finally saw her dad and he was sitting under the tent in a black suit. He looked completely in shock. I remember thinking how is he going to go on after this.
Then...we went home and it was kind of like now what. I didn't know how to act. My parents didn't know what to say or do with me. My aunt Janet had come to see me and we were sitting in our yard. We looked up at the sky and I said I would never believe in God again and I will never step foot in another church ever again. All she did was hug me and let me cry. Years later she told me when I said that I scared her to death. Luckily God is bigger than our anger and can take us being mad. It took until 7th grade but I did come back around.
A month later I turned 11. It hurts to look at this picture because I know how much pain that girl was in behind that smile. I remember thinking I wonder by my 12th birthday if I'll feel better.
A lot was going on during this time period. My Dad's family owned business was dissolving and there was a big feud. I was close with my family and it hurt to see them all turn on each other. Then my dad moved to the DFW area to start a new business and we lived apart. It was very hard. When school was about to start I did not want to go back. I didn't know how I was going to face a first day of school knowing she wasn't going to be there. I don't really remember much of 5th grade except for just being sad and angry. Sixth grade was somewhat better but then we moved to Dallas the summer before 7th grade and my world was turned upside down again. My grandparents had lived in Columbus since they were in their 20's and my parents in turn had lived there their entire lives. It was a huge thing to move but ultimately it was the best decision. My dad's business did very well and it was a way of starting over.
I still continued to struggle with the what ifs of August 2nd. What if one of the children had needed to go to the bathroom it would have delayed them or vice versa. If the driver of the dump truck had stopped for coffee or not it would have changed his arrival time at that moment. If the man driving the 18 wheeler had pulled over for a nap or something to eat it would have changed everything. Why did it all line up so perfectly? That haunted me for a long time. I use to think when I get to Heaven I'll have all these questions answered but I have a feeling when I get there the why won't matter anymore.
Mr. Lewis went on to re-marry a year later and eventually had two daughters. I am so happy he was able to go forward with his life. In 2000 I wrote to him and told him that I've never stopped thinking of him or Tiffanie. I came to visit him in late 2000 and he got to meet my oldest son and my daughter, who was also born in September. I'm so glad I was able to do that. He eventually died in 2006 of cancer and is buried along side them.
I do not know what happened to Robbie's brother. I don't know how you deal with the unimaginable pain of losing your mom, your sister, your nieces, your nephew and your own sweet children. I've thought about them so much over the years.
I know the name of the man who caused the accident and have chosen not to publish it. He was arrested for vehicular homicide. I do not know if that charge was reduced. I looked him up on public data one time and he had applied for a license in 1985. So, I'm guessing he didn't serve much if any time. One day years later I was talking to my dad about him and how much anger I still felt. He said, Shelley, back then these were just hard working men trying to provide for their families. It was a simple accident with horrible consequences but still an accident. That really helped me especially when I started driving. How many times have we been distracted and made a stupid mistake driving? I myself have accidently run a stop sign. My heart dropped. I don't know if he really was a good man but I choose to believe he was. I can't imagine living with the guilt of causing an accident that killed seven people.
As for me I feel like I've lived most of my life since waiting for the rug to be yanked out from under me. I met my husband when we were 17. He really helped me heal. I felt a little less broken when we were together. He showed me how to live care free without being self destructive. I've never given him enough credit for loving and putting up with me. I love you, Joe.
Her death left me with a lot of fear and a need to live for right now because it could all be gone tomorrow. It sounds like a nice sentiment to "live in the moment" but living in the moment out of fear can cause you to make some bad decisions. The future deserves to be planned for and I have not done a very good job at that.
I wish I could say I grew up to become a great child psychologist, or an awesome teacher, or started a foundation in her name, or has led me to do great things in her name but nope. I wish I had some great words of wisdom of why bad things happen or why God doesn't stop bad things from happening, nope, none of that. All I know is that we live in a fallen world. We are not perfect. We screw up and make bad decisions and mistakes but God is always there to help us through. Being a Christian does not immune us from the world. I love the line in Step by Step by Rich Mullins:
"If I stand, let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through and if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you"
I'm a wife, a mother of three, an aunt, a sister, a daughter, a friend, nothing extraordinary to the world. No big accomplishments to speak of. Just a woman who tries to tame fear of the future, raising her children the best she can, a woman who's had more than her share of cake (just ask my thighs).
This is us at church. I think we're between three and four years old here.
Crazy to think six years later we would be having her funeral here.
Us at our friend Donna's birthday party. I think we're around four to five years old. I think it's funny we're all wearing dresses for a birthday party!
Here we are on a float with our Brownie troop for a parade. Pretty sure this is 1st or 2nd grade.
It's so hard to put into words how she was. I think all of us who grew up with her can just simply say she was the kindest, sweetest and most endearing friend.
We would laugh because she was short and I was tall. She had brown hair and I had blonde hair. Both of our birthdays were September. Mine the 2nd and hers the 24th. And people always spelled both of our names wrong.
On the last day of school of 4th grade she gave me a decorative plate that had a poem titled FRIENDSHIP
on it:
Within the garden of my heart
Where flowers of friendship grow
There are blossoms of remembrance
Forget me nots so blue
And purple velvet pansies to tell my thoughts of you
And roses that will always bloom whatever be the weather
whose fragrance is the memory of days spent together.
That would be the last time I would ever see her.
On August 2, 1984 Tiffanie 10, her sister Donley 3, her brother Cliff 7, two of her cousins, her mother Robbie 35, and her grandmother Wanda 55, were traveling down Highway 36 through Brazoria planning on going to Galveston. At that time 36 was a two lane highway. There were stop signs at the entrance ramps. A man driving a dump truck ran the stop sign. Her mother swerved and when she did an 18 wheeler hit them head on. They all died instantly except for one of her cousins who died on the way to the hospital.
On the morning of August 3rd the phone rang and it was one of our friends. She said have you heard what happened? Tiffanie died in a car accident. I just remember saying you're lying. You're lying. About this time my mom walked into the room and said put the phone down. I think my mom took the phone and hung up. They had found out the night before but were waiting to tell me. My dad had to go somewhere that morning and they wanted to tell me together. She said I'm sorry it's true. I remember my little sister standing there in shock, staring at me. My mom was hugging me, I was crying uncontrollably. That was the moment my childhood ended.
I remember the next day my Dad took me into town to buy me a fish. I can laugh about that now. Like a fish was going to help make it better. At the store (Winn's) there on the check out stand was the funeral notice. I remember thinking nothing will ever make this better.
At the funeral walking into the church was so surreal. This is where we went to vacation bible school, GA's (girls in action) Sunday school and then I was at her funeral. It just didn't seem possible and yet there were four caskets at the front. Tiffanie's had her girl scouts sash on a wreath. I spotted one of our teacher's across the aisle with her finger on her nose. She had told us in class whenever she's about to cry she puts her finger on her nose and that stops it. My sister had fallen asleep on my mom's lap with her head back and mouth wide open and I laughed. (Which, by the way, set a precedent for laughing at inappropriate moments for the rest of my life.) I had no control over my emotions. I was all over the place. I don't remember anything about the service except that I was looking for her dad and didn't see him. I know I walked out holding my dad's hand and crying after it was over.
At the burial I finally saw her dad and he was sitting under the tent in a black suit. He looked completely in shock. I remember thinking how is he going to go on after this.
Then...we went home and it was kind of like now what. I didn't know how to act. My parents didn't know what to say or do with me. My aunt Janet had come to see me and we were sitting in our yard. We looked up at the sky and I said I would never believe in God again and I will never step foot in another church ever again. All she did was hug me and let me cry. Years later she told me when I said that I scared her to death. Luckily God is bigger than our anger and can take us being mad. It took until 7th grade but I did come back around.
A month later I turned 11. It hurts to look at this picture because I know how much pain that girl was in behind that smile. I remember thinking I wonder by my 12th birthday if I'll feel better.
A lot was going on during this time period. My Dad's family owned business was dissolving and there was a big feud. I was close with my family and it hurt to see them all turn on each other. Then my dad moved to the DFW area to start a new business and we lived apart. It was very hard. When school was about to start I did not want to go back. I didn't know how I was going to face a first day of school knowing she wasn't going to be there. I don't really remember much of 5th grade except for just being sad and angry. Sixth grade was somewhat better but then we moved to Dallas the summer before 7th grade and my world was turned upside down again. My grandparents had lived in Columbus since they were in their 20's and my parents in turn had lived there their entire lives. It was a huge thing to move but ultimately it was the best decision. My dad's business did very well and it was a way of starting over.
I still continued to struggle with the what ifs of August 2nd. What if one of the children had needed to go to the bathroom it would have delayed them or vice versa. If the driver of the dump truck had stopped for coffee or not it would have changed his arrival time at that moment. If the man driving the 18 wheeler had pulled over for a nap or something to eat it would have changed everything. Why did it all line up so perfectly? That haunted me for a long time. I use to think when I get to Heaven I'll have all these questions answered but I have a feeling when I get there the why won't matter anymore.
Mr. Lewis went on to re-marry a year later and eventually had two daughters. I am so happy he was able to go forward with his life. In 2000 I wrote to him and told him that I've never stopped thinking of him or Tiffanie. I came to visit him in late 2000 and he got to meet my oldest son and my daughter, who was also born in September. I'm so glad I was able to do that. He eventually died in 2006 of cancer and is buried along side them.
I do not know what happened to Robbie's brother. I don't know how you deal with the unimaginable pain of losing your mom, your sister, your nieces, your nephew and your own sweet children. I've thought about them so much over the years.
I know the name of the man who caused the accident and have chosen not to publish it. He was arrested for vehicular homicide. I do not know if that charge was reduced. I looked him up on public data one time and he had applied for a license in 1985. So, I'm guessing he didn't serve much if any time. One day years later I was talking to my dad about him and how much anger I still felt. He said, Shelley, back then these were just hard working men trying to provide for their families. It was a simple accident with horrible consequences but still an accident. That really helped me especially when I started driving. How many times have we been distracted and made a stupid mistake driving? I myself have accidently run a stop sign. My heart dropped. I don't know if he really was a good man but I choose to believe he was. I can't imagine living with the guilt of causing an accident that killed seven people.
As for me I feel like I've lived most of my life since waiting for the rug to be yanked out from under me. I met my husband when we were 17. He really helped me heal. I felt a little less broken when we were together. He showed me how to live care free without being self destructive. I've never given him enough credit for loving and putting up with me. I love you, Joe.
Her death left me with a lot of fear and a need to live for right now because it could all be gone tomorrow. It sounds like a nice sentiment to "live in the moment" but living in the moment out of fear can cause you to make some bad decisions. The future deserves to be planned for and I have not done a very good job at that.
I wish I could say I grew up to become a great child psychologist, or an awesome teacher, or started a foundation in her name, or has led me to do great things in her name but nope. I wish I had some great words of wisdom of why bad things happen or why God doesn't stop bad things from happening, nope, none of that. All I know is that we live in a fallen world. We are not perfect. We screw up and make bad decisions and mistakes but God is always there to help us through. Being a Christian does not immune us from the world. I love the line in Step by Step by Rich Mullins:
"If I stand, let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through and if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you"
I'm a wife, a mother of three, an aunt, a sister, a daughter, a friend, nothing extraordinary to the world. No big accomplishments to speak of. Just a woman who tries to tame fear of the future, raising her children the best she can, a woman who's had more than her share of cake (just ask my thighs).
Another Rich Mullins song, Hold Me Jesus, that has given me so much comfort and is so me:
Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small
CHORUS:
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart
CHORUS
Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin
CHORUS
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
